


Happy Endings for All

by Phoebe_Snow



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Crack, F/M, Happy Ending, Humor, anti reylo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-02
Updated: 2017-08-02
Packaged: 2018-12-10 08:30:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 481
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11687895
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Phoebe_Snow/pseuds/Phoebe_Snow
Summary: Kylo has the hots for Rey, but she doesn't respond the way he thought she would.





	Happy Endings for All

**Author's Note:**

> Read this if you hate Reylo.

* * *

 

"You're hot," said Kylo as he leered at the girl before him.

"We're _cousins_ ," Rey said with a disgusted scowl on her face.

"Yeah, but you're still hot. Don't you realise what beautiful chemistry we have together? So many people ship us and they think we'd be an amazing couple. Just act on your desires, Rey. You know you want me." At this, Kylo waggled his eyebrows suggestively.

Rey shook her head. This man really was a degenerate. She was about to turn on her lightsaber and open up a can of whoop ass on him, but then, she got a marvelous idea. A wicked grin spread across her face. "You know what? You're right, Kylo. I can't hold myself back any more. There's something I have to tell you, something that I think will  _rock_ your whole world."

She bit her lip after saying this, which caused Kylo's eyeballs to widen in excitement. Finally, his cousin was going to tell him how much she wanted him! Victory would now be his!

Rey motioned for him to come closer, so he did until his ear was right next to her mouth. "Do you want to know what my big secret is?" She asked him in a breathy voice.

"Yes, yes, I **do**!"

Rey paused for a moment before whispering in Kylo's ear, "I'm pregnant with Finn's baby."

His smile fell and he drew back from her in shock, clutching his throat. "That's not true! That's _impossible_!"

The young woman laughed at her pervy cousin's pain. "That's right. And do you want to know what else? We're getting married tomorrow."

 _"Nooooo!!!!!"_ Kylo screamed bloody murder and Rey took advantage of this by stabbing him with her lightsaber and killing him dead.

"Bye, bitch. Han sends his regards." She withdrew the lightsaber and watched with disinterest as her cousin's corpse fell to the ground. Rey smirked and started to leave, but then, she stopped and went back to his body.

"I'd better make sure he can never come back...just in case." With that, she made another couple of swoops of her saber and Kylo's body was now in eight separate pieces. She also cut off his penis because there was nothing funnier than a dickless dick.

Atfer this was done, Rey walked out of the room and saw Finn waiting for her. "Hey, babe. Did you kill him?"

"Of course, silly. No man with such bad fashion sense and ugly hair needs deserves to live. Plus, he's a creepy pervert. Ain't nobody got time for that."

"I agree! Let's go." Finn linked his arm with his fiancée's and they walked off together into the sunset.

After all, they had to get back to the resistance base. They were getting married tomorrow and there was no doubt that they'd be one of the happiest, most adorable interracial couples in all of Star Wars.

  


End file.
